


Chuck's 2014 Croatoan Toilet Paper Frenzy

by ALRiter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014 Croatoan, CUZ IT IS, Croatoan, Endverse, HOARD THE TOILET PAPER, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, LIKE IT'S MADE OF GOLD, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This fic is just plain ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 01:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3749701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALRiter/pseuds/ALRiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just plain ridiculous. I don't know where I get my plot lines sometimes. This is basically just an endverse AU where you get most of this from Chuck's perspective, and how he's gone just about as bonkers as Stoner Cas, and two Dean's are basically like bitchy hoochies with their menzies synced. And they are going around trying not to get killed by Croats. Yeah, this is a massive halarious, horrid, what the hell was I THINKING when I wrote this train wreck, and I kind of love it. Because I just let it be whatever, which was really satisfying, in an odd, it REALLY bothers my OCD kind of way.</p><p>Just read it if you need a break from all the FEELSY fanfics you've been reading in your dimly lit bedrooms.</p><p>And throw away that pile of grimy tissues you horny horny sad pathetic creature you. Oh wait. That's my note to self. OOPS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chuck's 2014 Croatoan Toilet Paper Frenzy

Chuck woke up with a start. It was still dark out, and the only light was the stars light streaming in the grungy windows of the run down wooden shed they used to store miscellaneous items. Namely the Toilet paper, which was Chucks main concern. 

The year is 2014, and the Croatoan virus had all but bolstered the rate at which the apocalypse had spread around the globe. And the survivors were slim at best… In fact the small motley crew that made up their group numbers at a small town in who-knows-where-besides a-Winchester was all but hope crushing. 

Chuck sat up and clutched his head as a horrible hangover struck him. “oh geez…” He said as he looked around him, taking in the items fallen around him that seem to be the contents of a shelf now broken in half laying on the floor. Chuck slowly gathered the items on the floor and sat them on a different shelf. Quite depressing when you think about how full the shelves were a few weeks ago… Now there were 5 empty shelves….. and 10 less rolls of toilet paper…. Out of the less than impressive amount they had started at. (33 full rolls, 5 half rolls, and one nearly finished slightly sketchy looking roll that no one wanted to use). 

“Damn it! There’s one whole roll missing!!! Where is it?!” Chuck exclaimed as he started crawling around the shed looking to see if he had knocked it over in his…. Compromised state of consciousness. When he found the missing roll in a clump of dust under the metal shelving unit he all but melted down in tears brushing off the dust and baby talking the roll to ‘hang in there lil guy. I’ll get you good as new again!’ And he almost DID cry that is, until of course until Dean walked in and strode right over to the shelf with the TP on it. From Chucks fetal position behind the shelving unit caressing the roll of TP he could see EXACTLY what Dean was going for. Deans gait was slightly more tense, his fly was undone and he was looking a bit ragged and rushed. *ding ding ding* Chuck narrowed his eyes ‘Toilet Paper thief’ He thought to himself. And Dean was going for THE GOLDEN PAPER WAPPED TOILET PAPER ROLL. Dean KNEW that roll was off limits! Even to HIM! Winchester or not Chuck would tackle Dean to the ground if he so much as WRINKLED that roll’s blemish less packaging! 

And suddenly a very LOUD and abrupt “AHEM! Looking for something Dean?” could be heard from behind the shelf of TP that Dean was now centimeters away from. And as Dean froze, caught greedy handed, Chuck stood up and GLARED at Dean through a narrow break in the stacks of TP on the shelf.

“REALLY DEAN?! I thought we were friends! You know better than to touch my Gold. Becky in particular.” (Yes Chuck named the Gold TP Becky. There is no end to his sad obsession with that insane fangirl.)

"B-Becky? You named a roll of toilet paper? I mean really Chuck..." Dean stared at Chuck in confusion."Never mind. Well I need some so, can I take it or not?" Eyebrows now slightly raised, looking in chucks direction.

Chuck continues to glare at Dean, but slide steps to the left and then reappears around the side of the shelving unit with the grungy nearly empty roll of TP. "Here. You can HAVE this one. And if you complain, you get NOTHING! Besides based on your gait you are having bowl issues, and I don't want you WASTING our GOLD on your shitty shit. Besides that's what you get for trying to STEAL Becky!"

"Now get out of here before I change my mind, Dean"

Gazing, disgusted at the grungy mess in his hand, Dean grumbled out of the shed, in sake of avoiding a long, overdrawn argument about toilet paper and its value. "Awesome." Dean muttered, walking back to his bunkhouse.

As Dean walked out of the shed Chuck took 'Becky’ and placed her on a further back location out of sight and then went back to his room after locking the shed door behind him. He'd talk to Dean about going on another TP rescue mission in the morning. After finishing his 'business', Dean finally lay down to get some rest. He knew they had a big day tomorrow, and he wanted to be rested.

Chuck awoke as soon as the rooster crowed. (Literally, they had a rooster. How else do you get Eggs and Chicken dinners during the apocalypse?) And changed and washed his face before heading out to the yard to see Dean and some of the other guys loading up the truck for a run into town. And Chuck headed over to talk to Dean about his coming along for the run.

“Dean, I need to talk to you. I need to go into town for more Gold… I MEAN Toilet Paper… I can help gather other things too. But mainly we need Toilet paper….” "Chuck I don't have time for this crap right now, I have bigger Problems at the-" Dean is interrupted by Chuck.

"Dean?! wait..... Dean...? Why are there... two.... Dean's... Oh god... I must have drank way more than I thought I did last night..." Chuck covers his face with his hands rubbing his eyes in confusion. Chuck looks back up and his eyes STILL see two Deans identical apart from wardrobe differences, and a slightly less hopeful expression in the closer Dean's eyes.

Apocalypse Dean raised his gun to the other Dean. "What the hell? Who are you?" The other Dean raised his hands in the air. "Woah! Hey take it easy! I'm you... Or you’re me, or how the hell should I know!?" Apocalypse Dean moved closer, his gun still drawn. "Well you better start talking, before I blow your brains out!" The other Dean looked down and mumbled. "Am I really that much of a hardass..."

"Worse, actually." Chuck contributed, then raised his hands apologetically when 2014 Dean shot a glare at him, and opted to keep his compliments to himself from now on...

"Times up, what's it gonna be?" The 2008 Dean sighed, "Look, all I know is I was asleep I'm my hotel room, them some junk-less Douche with wings, specifically Zachariah, zaps me here. Saying something about, 'See how it ends.'" He stared at the other Dean, until he lowered his gun.

Chuck's eyes widen and he walks briskly up next to 2014 Dean and whispers to him "Dean, I think.... I think 'Dean' may be telling the truth... I mean I may not be able to see things anymore like I used to, but from what I know about Zachariah... That sounds right up his sick twisted alley... And if anything... Maybe WE have a part to play. It sounds like Zachariah is trying to teach Dean a lesson... And unless we find out more, we have NO idea what to do to help OLD YOU Dean make the RIGHT decision... And if I'm right... I'm guessing Zachariah is trying to convince you of something that goes against your better judgment. We can't let that dickwad do that. Let's bring him along.... Is Cass coming? Because I think that could help 'you' open up a bit..." Chuck shifts his eyes to other Dean and says "I mean look at him. He has ten times the hope that you've had since.... Well... Since Sam..." Chuck trails off looking at his feet... "I mean, I think it's at least worth a try..."

"Chuck, stop. I get it." He walked over to the 2008 Dean. "Ok, against my better judgment, I'm going to bring you along." He then turned back to the other bunkhouses. "Cass! Let's go!!" 2008 Dean looked surprised. "Wait, Cass is here too?"

"Well obviously Cass is here. Why wouldn't he be?" Chuck says and then turns to 2014 Dean. "I'm going to grab my gear quick. I'll be right back. Are we almost ready to head out?"

"Yeah. As soon as Cass gets out here." 2008 Dean walked over to 2014 Dean. "Wait, wait, wait. Where's Sam?" 2014 Dean stared blankly at his twin, "He..... Sammy didn't make it.... Lucifer got him. He's the vessel." 2008 Dean looked down muttering "Dammit Sam, how could this happen..."

Chuck can faintly hear 2014 Dean tell 2008 Dean the news about 'their' brother as he walks back to his hut to grab his pack. When he gets back to his hut he grabs his grey denim jacket and slings it on and then packs his backpack with plastic gloves (never can be too careful when rutting through trash bins and run down homes for useful items), a few water bottles, and a half eaten roll of crackers. He then takes his small hunting knife and tucks it into the waistline of his pants at the small of his back, and stands up to go across the room to where he keeps the small compact handgun under his pillow. But he backs out of that thought quickly when he thinks to himself, 'Hey there are TWO Deans here... what could happen?' (In all the days Chuck has been surviving in this shit hole he hadn't yet needed to use his gun, well, actually there had been some close calls, but Dean or someone else had always had his back at the last second. But really, Chuck was afraid of using it. Of accidentally shooting someone... killing a friend... or blowing off his own foot.... that was a possibility too. 

Chuck was standing there contemplating putting the gun back when a headache that used to mean he was having a vision pierces his mind. All he can see is blaring white light when he squeezes his eyes shut... and... and RED?! What is RED?!! Oh God! Is that BLOOD? No.... wait.... Roses? And a Suit, a White suit... is that Sam? No... Lucifer IN Sam... and a voice? Is that Dean? Wait which Dean is it? Judging by the voice... it's old Dean... He looks like he's in trouble! And then the vision fades, and Chuck catches himself on his side table as he nearly topples over a chair. Chuck shakes his head to clear his vision and then looks down at the gun in his hands and shakily clicks out the magazine and checks to see if his gun has any ammo. Full. Great.... He was hoping it would be empty. Less reason to take it with him... Today was REALLY not his day.... "What the shit. No better day to die than the present, Chuck. Now get your ass back out there, the Dean's probably already have their panties in a twist to get going... and like that he slaps on a reassuring smile and walks out, sticking his gun into his backpack, willing the possibility of using it to go away.

Old Dean talked to Cass while waiting for Chuck to return. He had explained why there were two Deans and how he had gotten there. He noticed Cass was very different, almost normal. He was like a hippie. "Cass, are you stoned?" Cass smiled looking at him. "Well generally..." Old Dean smiled then noticed Chuck making his way over to them. Oddly enough, both Deans chimed in at once. "You ready Chuck?" Then stared at each other.

Chucks eyes went wide and then shifted his pack awkwardly. "Um... yes, I am... Are you two like synchronizing your mensies now or something? Because I don't know a THING about Feminine hygiene and NEITHER of you are touching my Gold! I bet past you is JUST as greedy as NOW you is with TP! And I swear NO ONE is touching Becky besides ME!" Chuck huffs out his breathing a bit, and then awkwardly recedes back into his personal bubble upon realizing how loud his outburst was. "Uh... um.... never mind... let's just go get this over with, all right?" He then slings his bag into the back of the truck and hops in the back seat to avoid their WAY too identical blank stares.

Old Dean leaned over to 2014 Dean and whispered. "Is he ok?" Hearing this he chuckled. "Yeah, he's fine; he just values toilet paper... A LOT." He then turned to face everyone. "Ok, listen up everyone. I want this to go as smoothly as possible, just a clean snatch and grab. Only the essentials. Keep a tight formation. If anyone breaks rank, we could all go down. Understand?"

Chuck pipes in "AND IF YOU SEE /ANY/ TP YOU TELL /ME/ DIRECTLY. And or bring it back with you if I'm not nearby. This is serious business. Literally."

"Yeah, and that... Saddle up everyone. It's time to get to work." Both Deans climbed into the lead car. Once everyone was loaded they drove off.

Dean and Dean sat in front of Chuck who was squished in the small back seat with Cass. And looked at Cass smiling and watching old Dean intently, obviously remembering Dean from before he lost Sam. Chuck clears his throat and leans forward peering at old Dean in the passenger seat. "So..uh... /Dean/... did Zachariah say exactly what he wanted you to learn or whatever from this back to the future excursion? Because we don't have a lot to go on here, and we don't even know exactly what year of you we are talking to here... How close is it back in your time...? What year is it there?" Chuck raises an eyebrow quizzically. Bracing his shoulder against Dean's seat so he won't jostle around so much.  
"2008, the greatest hits." Dean smiled. "All I know is he said ‘see how it ends.’ Then I was here. Man I hate that asshat." Dean was tired of Zachariah, in particular, trying to get inside his head and force his decisions.

Chuck, Cass, and 2014 Dean all exchange glances and give each other this look of.... 'Oh, THAT year....' and then Chuck awkwardly clears his throat and sits back saying "Well, that's not much to go on Dean, but all I can say is if you get back.... Hoard Toilet paper. Like it's made of GOLD, because it is.... HOARD IT!"

Dean chuckled a bit, nodding his head. "Whatever you say Chuck. Where exactly are we headed anyway?" Looking over to his twin. 

"Small town overrun by Croats. If we’re lucky, it hasn't been picked through by other people already." And with that he revved the engine and the old jeep lurched forward with Chuck clinging to the seat for dear life.

**Author's Note:**

> This is ridiculous....... if you think so too, leave me some more ridiculousness in the comments!


End file.
